My plans for the official beginning of the summer season, Memorial Day Weekend:

1. Act a fool at my sister’s 3rd Annual Karaoke Birthday Bash on Friday night.
2. Finally get a haircut after at least nine months of hippie hair (can’t really remember the last one).
3. Finally buy some new tennies now that the ones I bought on the way to the 2006 HRD championship bout when I could only wear one of them are making a weird clicky noise when I walk the streets at lunchtime.
4. Be jealous of everyone on the river while I play on The Kitten’s slip and slide.

I love summertime! I’m sure I’ll think of more fun summertime things to do over the next four days, but that’s a good start. Who knows…the last three might kill me, or at least just make me die a little bit inside.

The past couple of days I’ve been noticing my shoes sliding off my heels and my toes digging in to keep me from walking out of them. Is it coincidence that the last time I had skates on was over a month ago? Before that, the last time I went a month without skating was April of 2007 when the hardware was removed from my ankle. I knew my feet were in bad shape from over a year of repetitive stress, but I had no idea they were actually BIGGER! Hmm, should I buy new shoes or go back to destroying my body? …Yay for new shoes!!!

I hate rope lights.

That’s what you get when a sick and tired mind is coming upon its 48th hour of “work” this week.

After every game the Brawlers lose, someone out there says, “Brawlers will be the team to beat next year.” After every game the Brawlers lose, I want to plug my ears for a few days so I don’t go off on someone about how they have made it alright for the Brawlers to lose this year. Because to me, it’s never alright to lose and it’s never alright to make excuses.

I’m sure nobody knows this and I can’t believe I’m going to divulge this, but I cry in my car on the way home from every bout. This past Sunday, my tears were also due to relief that I made it through the one-year anniversary of the worst injury of my life in one piece. I’ve been making excuses for not bringing my “A game” (as a fan called it), but I’m done. I’m going to shed my own personal self-fulfilling prophecy. I hope everyone joins me and stops making excuses because the Brawlers are rookies, the Brawlers are rebuilding, or the Brawlers are fan favorites (obviously that is just a downright misconception since there were only about 200 people left in the building for our second half).

So you might have been expecting more of a recap. Derby supporters and zealous fans have done a pretty good job of that elsewhere. The Brawlers will play the Betties in October for third place. I’m hoping to post a recap on a self-defeating prophecy.

We certainly showed up for the Big Top Brawl. The “unofficial” score posted by super fan, Phil, at yahoo group RollerDerbyIsSport was HaRD Knocks 197, Las Tejanas 79. I trust Phil’s powers of observation, so I feel comfortable posting it on my recap. Although I didn’t put any of those points on the scoreboard since I’m not ready to jam yet, I’d like to think I helped a little bit. I had a hard time chasing down their fastest jammer, Tonya Hurting, and I had a hard time taking anybody off their feet. So I’m not going to deny that I wasn’t 100% ready for this bout, yet I’m not totally disappointed in my performance either. In one particularly ferocious jam, I was able to keep their jammer outside the lines for a couple of laps. The opposing blockers found it so difficult to take me off my feet that they used double-teaming tactics to do it in the second half. When it was all said and done, it felt extremely good to win again, even if the win had to be that ugly.

Also, I’m more than proud of our Knockouts, the second HRD team that was put together to play Austin’s Honky Tonk Heartbreakers. They played a nailbiter and came out ahead, 92-82. Just take my word for it that this is a huge accomplishment…way to go, Knockouts!

I know I’ve procrastinated posting June’s bout poster, but I had doubts that it would really happen. I thought last week that everyone on the HaRD Knocks was going to kill each other, because there are 20 of us on the team and only 14 can skate for a single bout. You can see how ugliness tends to surround the announcement of the bout day roster. I’m pretty sure I’m still on that roster, even though people have complained about my inclusion, and I sat through scrimmaging yesterday. I’m sure they’re thinking Catazon doesn’t need the practice anyway…she’ll pick up right where she left off TEN MONTHS AGO! Bring Dad out, because this should be the most entertaining bout yet this season.

Shout out to Brat Poison, a very talented teammate, who designed this month’s poster.

Ah, May…

the sooner you get going, the sooner I can start hitting people again…

there are many who will testify that is when true mayhem will begin.

Watch out…

I plan on skating the Art Car Parade on May 12th…

but I won’t be ready for the May bout.

Well, besides the tenderness of the incisions…

I didn’t limp when I got out of bed this morning. I can’t believe I can already tell a difference with the metal out of my body. I hinted that I might be able to skate a couple of jams in the May bout, and Doc was not buying it. I think I’ll listen to him and wait.

In semi-related news, you know your job sucks when you come in on a Saturday after having surgery on Wednesday, and you have an email from your boss who knew you were having surgery on Wednesday, but sent you an email that day anyway asking if you were going to be here on Saturday. Can I shoot the bitch now? Since I can’t hip-check her ass into the cheap seats until June? Please…

I’ve found the perfect way to make the time fly by…watch videos of the most gruesome sports injuries! Conveniently, someone dugg this story on SI.com today. While Sports Illustrated provided only ten links, there are plenty of extra links in the comments at digg and at the bottom of the SI article.

Once again, you have to listen to me complain about the fact that there is no evidence of Catazon’s ankle flopping around anywhere out there! What is wrong with you roller derby fans? Don’t you know great Internet fodder when you see it?

Today, I see the bone doctor for my pre-op appointment, and tomorrow, he is going to fix my little problem of setting off metal detectors.  In six weeks, I should be my completely whole and natural self…no screws, no plates, no holes in my bones.