When I think of all the sacrifices I have made for derby in the past three years, my stomach tends to trouble me. Currently, I’m making myself sick by conducting the league’s third annual Fan Favorites survey. This year’s survey is churning up the bile because I am paying for it out of my own pocket, I am seeing the responses on a daily basis, and I am fielding random complaints. I did all the same things last year, without the major derby burnout I am experiencing this year. I had no idea this silly little popularity contest would have the potential to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. To circumvent, allow me to vent…

To the people who showed up at Verizon at 7:00 pm on Sunday and were not let in: You should thank Verizon that they didn’t let you catch the anticlimactic end of a bout you are going to see again in September and you already saw last year (who would have thought that hitting the same girls over and over again would cause burnout?). May I suggest next time (September 14, 2008..hint, hint), you buy a ticket online through the Thursday before the bout?

To the person who dislikes obscene gestures: I did not enjoy the gesturing on Sunday either, although for an entirely different reason. Sometimes sports bring out the best in us; sometimes sports bring out the worst in us; sometimes a lot of things go on behind the scenes that affect us either way. I hope our fans (and our league) can focus on the good things. I’ll try to do the same (see, I’m already feeling better from venting).

To the survey takers who have cookies deactivated or deleted: You should make sure your first answers are the ones you truly want, because I delete any responses from duplicate IP addresses. If you are a derby girl, you should be ashamed of voting for yourself or your team as a favorite more than once.

I have so much more I could say, but for now, I’ve done my derby duty and advertised the survey as well as our next bout. I don’t know how much the venting helped, but it might tide me over enough to get through a HaRD Knocks workout in the morning without screaming or crying.

or I Can Haz Lead Jammer? or whatever you want to call it…I make the best!

The original LOLCat, in more ways than one but with tons of derby style. Thanks to Kerry McClain for the prettiest derby pics ever and LolCat Builder for making it easy to be witty.

Nice pic, DeMentia!

Nice win, HaRD Knocks!

or if you are me, be careful what you talk about. Before the bout Saturday night, I talked about how I am prone to having accidents at home and how I wanted one of our pets to die. Both of those things happened on Sunday. I broke my right pinkie toe again, and I found the psycho hamster dead in her cage. Spooky.

I don’t remember talking about winning the bout, but we did anyway. Yay! Come watch HaRD Knocks win again this Saturday…same Cat time, same Cat channel.

I’m going to Philadelphia to kick some Yankee butt. But first, I’m going down the hall to turn in my resignation. Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh HELL YEAH!

I still may have overreacted, but still…

Oh, and it doesn’t stop there…

At that point, it looks like I warned her, but then on second thought, here comes those free lessons in destructive criticism…

I was waiting for a picture of me, with glowing eyes, actually jumping on the back of a poor, innocent opposing skater, but Death By Chocolate commented me with this lolcat gem that just hit the spot:

I was ejected from the Brawlers’ amazing victory over ACRD’s Bombshell Brigade for fighting. I decided to take matters into my own hands when one of their skaters decided to block me with an elbow from out of bounds completely around the rink. Maybe constructive feedback would have stopped at jumping on her back, but I guess the stressful week of derby I had just lived through convinced me to take a few jabs at her face after ripping her helmet off. I crossed the line into destructive. At least my team didn’t self-destruct.

Sunday night was a crowd-pleaser, and boy, did HRD need one. The home team worked on a slight blowout (Brawlers 123, Brigade 100), and the underdog won the second bout by one point (Betties 77, Sirens 76). The fans raved over the showmanship and the suspense. My ego loves it when the fans rave.

Then Monday morning comes bright and early as it always does after bout nights, and Sharon Stone couldn’t have asked for a better example of karma. When your shower caddy falls and leaves a six-inch contusion on your calf muscle after your fist put a knot the size of a quarter on a derby girl’s forehead…now that’s karma. You should have seen what I did to that caddy. Beware of the Catazon, inanimate objects and sloppy skaters!

So last month, I forgot to hang the bout poster up here in Catazonia, and we had one of the lowest attended bouts ever. Is there some correlation? I seriously doubt it, but just in case…this month, you get three for the price of one.

OK, OK…two posters, but three bouts!!! Is that directly correlating to your excitement level?

By the time HaRD Knocks plays that third advertised bout, next month’s bout poster should be hanging here. You might be thinking to yourself that HRD is derbying this summer up but good. That’s right…plenty of opportunities to click that little button below and come see me. I really miss you, but I hope to be sick of you by August.

At the end of the highly controversial Brawlers vs. Betties bout last night, Elle McFierce exclaimed over how I would write a happy post today. That was right before I fell over from exhaustion.

It’s not like I did anything to become exhausted. Except for one grand slam, an almost inefficient backwards whip given to Audiomind, and a fun little blocker takeout while jamming on Becky Booty, my performance was pretty much dismal. I wasn’t expecting it to be much more than that after a couple of weeks of forced inactivity.

I also wasn’t expecting the Brawlers to win, but we did. I really shouldn’t admit that I don’t have a lot of faith in my home team, but we all remember the tough year the Brawlers went through in 2007. 2008 was starting to look almost identical, but now we’ve won a game somewhat early in the season. I’m positive we can take another one if we all get and stay healthy. I still heart my Brawlers, even though the rest of my body is consumed with HaRD Knocks.

So I’m feeling alright today, even though I could barely walk last night. Then I get the bad news that I won’t get a job interview I was pretty sure I would nail. That just boggles my mind, because I look great on paper, and I’m even better in person when I really, really want the job (and who wouldn’t really, really want a job at a prestigious private school?). Damn. So I keep reminding myself it’s probably better that I don’t take a new job while my personal life is so stressful, even though I do have an interview with a major player in the oil & gas industry in a couple of weeks. Sweet.

Yeah, Elle, this post was a little bit happy, but a little bit bummed, too. I seriously need to get out of this funk before the summer gets outrageously busy with bouts, bouts, and more bouts on top of my obsession with finding the perfect job as well as getting a big girl ready for kindergarten. Oh, happy posts!

Catazon Hits Rebel Ann

Originally uploaded by Zeeev.

No Bosse$ were harmed in the making of this photo. In fact, the Boss on her way to the floor claims that this was her favorite moment of the bout.

Ziv! This is one of the most beautiful derby pics I have ever seen, and not just because I’m in it.