or if you are me, be careful what you talk about. Before the bout Saturday night, I talked about how I am prone to having accidents at home and how I wanted one of our pets to die. Both of those things happened on Sunday. I broke my right pinkie toe again, and I found the psycho hamster dead in her cage. Spooky.

I don’t remember talking about winning the bout, but we did anyway. Yay! Come watch HaRD Knocks win again this Saturday…same Cat time, same Cat channel.

I’m going to Philadelphia to kick some Yankee butt. But first, I’m going down the hall to turn in my resignation. Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh HELL YEAH!

I still may have overreacted, but still…

Oh, and it doesn’t stop there…

At that point, it looks like I warned her, but then on second thought, here comes those free lessons in destructive criticism…

I was waiting for a picture of me, with glowing eyes, actually jumping on the back of a poor, innocent opposing skater, but Death By Chocolate commented me with this lolcat gem that just hit the spot:

I was ejected from the Brawlers’ amazing victory over ACRD’s Bombshell Brigade for fighting. I decided to take matters into my own hands when one of their skaters decided to block me with an elbow from out of bounds completely around the rink. Maybe constructive feedback would have stopped at jumping on her back, but I guess the stressful week of derby I had just lived through convinced me to take a few jabs at her face after ripping her helmet off. I crossed the line into destructive. At least my team didn’t self-destruct.

Sunday night was a crowd-pleaser, and boy, did HRD need one. The home team worked on a slight blowout (Brawlers 123, Brigade 100), and the underdog won the second bout by one point (Betties 77, Sirens 76). The fans raved over the showmanship and the suspense. My ego loves it when the fans rave.

Then Monday morning comes bright and early as it always does after bout nights, and Sharon Stone couldn’t have asked for a better example of karma. When your shower caddy falls and leaves a six-inch contusion on your calf muscle after your fist put a knot the size of a quarter on a derby girl’s forehead…now that’s karma. You should have seen what I did to that caddy. Beware of the Catazon, inanimate objects and sloppy skaters!

So last month, I forgot to hang the bout poster up here in Catazonia, and we had one of the lowest attended bouts ever. Is there some correlation? I seriously doubt it, but just in case…this month, you get three for the price of one.

OK, OK…two posters, but three bouts!!! Is that directly correlating to your excitement level?

By the time HaRD Knocks plays that third advertised bout, next month’s bout poster should be hanging here. You might be thinking to yourself that HRD is derbying this summer up but good. That’s right…plenty of opportunities to click that little button below and come see me. I really miss you, but I hope to be sick of you by August.