I was waiting until some artwork was out there before I wrote about Houston Roller Derby’s HaRD Knocks (travel team) May 6th bout against TXRG’s Hotrod Honeys. What can I say…I like visually stimulating posts. Blog posts…get your minds out of the gutter, or just thank me for taking you there and move along.

I will be serving my travel team as bench manager. Yay, more fun calling lineups! I guarantee the road trip is worth it, even if Catazon is not skating.

I called lineups for the Burlesque Brawlers Sunday night. Sure, it sounds easy. You have up to two minutes to tell five women what position they are playing in the next jam. No problem. Then one of your jammers complains about a knee injury, then another is slammed into the bench and comes up with a huge welt on her shoulder, then another skated almost the entire track out-of-bounds (still getting hit while she was out there) and wants to give up (rightly so), and suddenly, you can throw all your carefully-planned lineups in the trash.

I can’t write a recap of the Brawlers vs. Betties, because I spent most of my time with my back to the rink, asking my team who could skate in the next jam. I did see one of our veterans, Wreckhell Welch, get in a fight with Beverly Kills at the end of the first half. I did see some out-of-bounds hits, only because they happened in front of the bench and had me scooting away from the sideline. I did see our blockers get blindsided more than once due to their continued habit of focusing on one opponent and not seeing the whole floor. I was not able to count points, see how each ref was calling the game, watch the other team’s strengths and weaknesses, and other observant things I’m able to do while skating. I planned on watching the video to come up with a good recap, but I’m tired of thinking about it.

The bottom line is the Brawlers lost 162-57, and I have to come up with a way to narrow that gap before we play the Bosse$ in May. My return to the rink would help, but that is still not an option. As I previously mentioned, the Bosse$ beat the Sirens, 90-79. If I had to rank HRD’s teams on their ability to kick someone’s ass on any given day, it would go like this: Bosse$, Sirens, Betties, Brawlers. In my opinion, even though the Betties did such a fine job of preparing us for how it rolls in HRD (some of you might know that’s an inside joke), it’s going to be even tougher on the Brawlers in May.

Bosses succeed in handing the horse’s head to the HRD 2006 undefeated champion Sirens! Details later…after the Brawlers’ loss by 100 points sinks in.

Well, besides the tenderness of the incisions…

I didn’t limp when I got out of bed this morning. I can’t believe I can already tell a difference with the metal out of my body. I hinted that I might be able to skate a couple of jams in the May bout, and Doc was not buying it. I think I’ll listen to him and wait.

In semi-related news, you know your job sucks when you come in on a Saturday after having surgery on Wednesday, and you have an email from your boss who knew you were having surgery on Wednesday, but sent you an email that day anyway asking if you were going to be here on Saturday. Can I shoot the bitch now? Since I can’t hip-check her ass into the cheap seats until June? Please…

I’ve found the perfect way to make the time fly by…watch videos of the most gruesome sports injuries! Conveniently, someone dugg this story on SI.com today. While Sports Illustrated provided only ten links, there are plenty of extra links in the comments at digg and at the bottom of the SI article.

Once again, you have to listen to me complain about the fact that there is no evidence of Catazon’s ankle flopping around anywhere out there! What is wrong with you roller derby fans? Don’t you know great Internet fodder when you see it?

Today, I see the bone doctor for my pre-op appointment, and tomorrow, he is going to fix my little problem of setting off metal detectors.  In six weeks, I should be my completely whole and natural self…no screws, no plates, no holes in my bones.