or I Can Haz Lead Jammer? or whatever you want to call it…I make the best!

The original LOLCat, in more ways than one but with tons of derby style. Thanks to Kerry McClain for the prettiest derby pics ever and LolCat Builder for making it easy to be witty.

For the past two years, I have complained a bit about the job I am leaving today. I knew within two months of starting the job that this proprietary university mumbo-jumbo was a bad deal, but the pay was decent, the stress was low, and the commute was manageable. So I wasn’t in too big a rush to find something better, and I didn’t want to be back in the situation that forced me into this job. I worked three different permanent jobs in three weeks…yes, that’s a true story.

While I was complaining about my job on a weekly basis, I was also checking Houston-area, Fortune 500 company (preferably oil and gas) websites for open positions that matched my skill set and applying to anything that remotely resembled something I could do. Friends and family kept telling me to get a headhunter, but I knew my pickiness would eventually become an annoyance to anyone who didn’t really understand. In the task of finding a new job, I was able to practice a high degree of patience, and I had faith that it would pay off the way it has. I announced a couple of weeks ago that I was resigning from the second-longest job I have ever had (I stayed at a community college as a cataloger for over three years…I actually loved that place and those people, but it was too far away). What I didn’t say is that I’m going to work for the second-largest oil and gas company in the United States as a Business Analyst in their real estate division. I will be working downtown, but the pay raise, the benefits, the company, and just the overall “betterness” of this job surpass that one negative by miles. Most importantly, my daughter gets to go to “church school”, just like I did.

I plan on setting a record for the longest I have ever stayed at a job. I think it’s about time.

Nice pic, DeMentia!

Nice win, HaRD Knocks!

I just got the news that I will now be one of three captains on the A Team for my rodeo committee. Duties include, but are not limited to, being responsible for a small group of committeeman (making sure they pay their dues, know the team schedule, etc.), being present at all committee and team meetings, and being early on days our team works the rodeo. For the next three years, my gold badge will say “Captain” instead of “Committeeman.” Ooo, the prestige! Ooo, the time commitment…

I have plans to relinguish my other captain duties, so I should be able to handle this. Right? Let’s see…two derby teams, a new job downtown, a kindergartener, and rodeo. It’s a good thing I love everything on that list.

or if you are me, be careful what you talk about. Before the bout Saturday night, I talked about how I am prone to having accidents at home and how I wanted one of our pets to die. Both of those things happened on Sunday. I broke my right pinkie toe again, and I found the psycho hamster dead in her cage. Spooky.

I don’t remember talking about winning the bout, but we did anyway. Yay! Come watch HaRD Knocks win again this Saturday…same Cat time, same Cat channel.

I’m going to Philadelphia to kick some Yankee butt. But first, I’m going down the hall to turn in my resignation. Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh HELL YEAH!

I still may have overreacted, but still…

Oh, and it doesn’t stop there…

At that point, it looks like I warned her, but then on second thought, here comes those free lessons in destructive criticism…

I was waiting for a picture of me, with glowing eyes, actually jumping on the back of a poor, innocent opposing skater, but Death By Chocolate commented me with this lolcat gem that just hit the spot:

I was ejected from the Brawlers’ amazing victory over ACRD’s Bombshell Brigade for fighting. I decided to take matters into my own hands when one of their skaters decided to block me with an elbow from out of bounds completely around the rink. Maybe constructive feedback would have stopped at jumping on her back, but I guess the stressful week of derby I had just lived through convinced me to take a few jabs at her face after ripping her helmet off. I crossed the line into destructive. At least my team didn’t self-destruct.

Sunday night was a crowd-pleaser, and boy, did HRD need one. The home team worked on a slight blowout (Brawlers 123, Brigade 100), and the underdog won the second bout by one point (Betties 77, Sirens 76). The fans raved over the showmanship and the suspense. My ego loves it when the fans rave.

Then Monday morning comes bright and early as it always does after bout nights, and Sharon Stone couldn’t have asked for a better example of karma. When your shower caddy falls and leaves a six-inch contusion on your calf muscle after your fist put a knot the size of a quarter on a derby girl’s forehead…now that’s karma. You should have seen what I did to that caddy. Beware of the Catazon, inanimate objects and sloppy skaters!

So last month, I forgot to hang the bout poster up here in Catazonia, and we had one of the lowest attended bouts ever. Is there some correlation? I seriously doubt it, but just in case…this month, you get three for the price of one.

OK, OK…two posters, but three bouts!!! Is that directly correlating to your excitement level?

By the time HaRD Knocks plays that third advertised bout, next month’s bout poster should be hanging here. You might be thinking to yourself that HRD is derbying this summer up but good. That’s right…plenty of opportunities to click that little button below and come see me. I really miss you, but I hope to be sick of you by August.

I am utterly appalled that Texas has only one huge being in the Gallery of Huge Beings. I know there has got to be more than one, although you couldn’t ask for a finer specimen! This is Texas, dammit, and everything’s bigger in Texas. At the very least, somebody should let those huge-being lovers in Minnesota know that.